Recently I received a letter from a woman seeking comfort. She shared that she had sought for a better life, better self-esteem, better her. She had hoped to achieve all this by undergoing plastic surgery. Sadly her surgeon was not what he had been advertised to be and her surgery resulted in a near death experience and years of ongoing physical pain. She felt a bitter guilt and shame for what she had put herself, her young daughter and the rest of her loved one through.
As I responded to her, I realized most of us have suffered in various ways from making rash decisions we later regret. Because of this, I would like to share an exceprt of my reply.
“Wow! You have been through so much!
I understand the guilt. From time to time we all feel it and as you suggested, we also feel a little shame along with tons of embarrassment. This stems from making the decisions we have made, which later looked upon were unnecessary and unwise risks. These decisions are made usually out of desperation to find an easy way to accomplish a difficult task. These short cuts are tempting, and from time to time can be successful. This knowledge of a few successes, leads us into a false sense of belief that any risk is the best and only real option. From this immediate hope of a life altering transformation with little to no effort on our part, allows us to ignore our own internal warning bells.
Please do not misunderstand. I too believe in looking for the simplest solution to any problem. But it is necessary as we do so that we also look at the long term effects, the risks involved and the dangers before us. We must weigh each out. Sometimes the effortless is the best option. Sometimes we have to accept that true transformation comes from within. And within usually means taking the long difficult path to our final destination and the knowledge we gain along that journey.
Let me tell you this… YOU ARE NOT SELFISH for wanting a Mommy Makeover. It is natural in our environment and society to want to look better for ourselves and our loved ones. It is a biological compulsion to be as physically attractive as humanly possible. And quite honestly the men and women who don’t strive to look their best don’t feel their best. And that is what you were attempting to do…
We are all looking for hope in any area we can. For you hope came in the form of surgery, and quite honestly, a type of surgery that many have had tremendous success with. It was not a bad option. It was a bad doctor who had faked his references and peppered his referrals.
Mia Angelou is quoted saying, “I did what I knew… when I knew better, I did better.”
You did what you thought best at the time.
Please do not beat yourself up for past decisions. Learn from them and move forward. Love yourself and allow others to love you as well.”