Speak up. Speak out.
Hinting doesn’t work
I’m driving down the freeway with my husband when I suddenly get a craving for a soft serve ice cream cone. The ice cream gods smile upon me and in the distance I see golden arches appear. I look at my husband, who just happens to be driving this day, and say, “Look dear. There’s a McDonalds.” My pointing movement for some reason makes him remember that the oil was starting to get low the last time he checked it. When we get home he should add a quart.
We get closer to McDonalds. “Look dear there’s the exit for McDonalds.” He now thinks that he might as well take the car in to get an oil change and lube. As he passes the exit for the McDonalds I in shock and short of hysteria say, “You just passed the exit to McDonalds!” He looks at me with concern and thinks to himself, “This was the third time she’s pointed out a landmark. Does she think I’m lost?”
The rest of the way home, I’m sighing heavily and have stopped talking all together. When we pull in the drive, I get out, slam the car door shut and stomp my way into the house. In confusion he asks me if I’m okay. With a burst of hurt I yell “You’re always telling me I’m fat. It’s all about you!!!”
“What?” Of course I couldn’t be futher off track. My hinting, his lack of reading my mind, lead to unnecessary frustration on both of our parts.
Wouldn’t it have been much easier for both of us if I had simply said, “Look dear, there’s a McDonalds. I want an ice cream. Let’s take then next exit and get one.” Now he thinks, “McDonalds, Ice cream… I could get a Big Mac”.
Far to often we hint hoping the other person will volunteer what it is we want from them. Often they have no idea that we are wanting them to do something. Some times they know but are not about to admit it in hopes they won’t have to do what it is we want.